I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
