Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
