Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
