Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
