Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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