just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
