I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
