Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
