God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
