people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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