A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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