the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
