She announced her abortion via fbk
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
