Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
