So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
