Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
