Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
