I think I won the penis lottery.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
