A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
