So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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