this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
