fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
