i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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