What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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