the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
