The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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