So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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