We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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