she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
