ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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