guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
