Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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