I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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