Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
