just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
