Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
