Christians are straight up FREAKS
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
