I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
