my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
