I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My pussy is not your playground.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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