Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
