is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
All I want is dick and wine.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize