I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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