My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I want to fling myself into the sun
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize