I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
