the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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