I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
