my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
