i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
