new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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