I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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