I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
