idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
