Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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