I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize