what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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