she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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