what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
