i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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