You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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