between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
