These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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