2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I faked an abortion last night.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
