I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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