Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
