all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
