I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
