I'm passing your future prison.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
