THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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