my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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