oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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