Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
