Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
